a week in a life #1

This week has been, interesting? Really I cannot think of a better word sorry. On Tuesday while I was at school, it started to snow heavily. This pissed me off, because that morning, when I looked outside and saw no snow, I made the executive decision to wear sneakers instead of boots. By the time I got to my car that afternoon the shoes were wet and my feet were freezing. The whole day was actually a day of bad decisions, because before I left school I didn’t go to pee like I always do. My normal drive home from school is about 30 minutes If the roads are covered in snow (which they were that day). So, after I made my way from the town, there’s this hill, about 2 km long, there’s two driving lanes from out-of-town, so it usually takes just a moment to drive across it. Not on Tuesday. There was a traffic jam, the line was 2 km long. With no other road to take to avoid the jam I accepted it and began to wait. Soon, two problems emerged. The first one was, that my hand brake doesn’t work, so I had to push the brake pedal the whole time and that was annoying. The second problem was, that I needed to pee very bad. The hour I spend in that traffic jam was hell. My anxiety was shooting through the roof cause the car behind me was way too close and I didn’t trust my breaks that much. And I needed to pee. God I needed to pee so bad. I would like to take this moment and thank Boney M and especially their hit single ‘Rasputin’ for getting me through this experience. Of course, the traffic jam eventually cleared and I stopped at a gas station and used the bathroom there.  All was well. Oh my god, this story has no point. I’m sorry you had to read that. I’m trying to work on my story telling skills. Actually I do have a point, advise really and that is: always use the bathroom before driving and when in a midst of a great suffering nothing helps better than Boney M.

On the other hand I’ve seen the look of absolute pity and sadness on my husband’s face the other day. That was fun. Okay, from the beginning. I have this friend. I like her very much, but she can be pretty annoying sometimes. So annoying to a point when I don’t even talk to her. We are together quite a lot, because we’re voluntary firefighters and we compete in a fire sport in the same team. My husband and most of the guys from the team don’t like her. Anyways on Saturday she asked me to go with her to Poland to buy a dress for a firemen ball we were supposed to attend later that night. When I told my husband he said that he doesn’t understand why I’m gong with her, since I always talk shit about her (yeah i know there’s a special place in hell for me, thanks). I thought about it for a second and then I said “because I have no other friend”, as soon as I said it I’ve seen his  heart break for me, but don’t worry about me I’ve dealt with this trauma like I always do I listened to Boney M.

The firemen’s ball was interesting (omg my vocabulary is really something).  I curled my hair like Carrie Bradshaw and wore a little black dress.  I looked cute as hell, though. For the first hour or so, by the end of the night I looked like Weird Al. My husband ripped his pants, our friends got drunk and started stripping,  me and some random guy became blood brothers (not literary) and my feet hurt like hell from wearing the fucking heels. 

This took me way to long to write than it should. Thanks for reading and have a nice day.



No more laughs and no more tears,

the light is weak just like you.

Manon what have you done to me

can’t you see

I’ve got no more love to give.

Couldn’t you be smart?

the song you sung ended suddenly

you’re but a distant memory

in an old woman’s heart.



new year, new bullshit

The time has come for everyone to write about the past year and their hopes and dreams for the next one. I’m not going to do that. You probably wouldn’t even expect me to. I used to give myself new year’s resolutions, back when I was naive. I know myself now, that’s the problem. I know that no matter how many lists I make, how many blog posts I write or how many bullet journal pages I dedicate to the resolutions I will never actually do them. That’s just how it is. It’s prehaps a little sad and upsetting and great many tears and frustrated wines have been given as were  a lots of swear words. That’s also the only thing, I realized, I could do about it, because nothing will ever change about me. I have no motivation and my will to do anything (including living) has left me some time ago  with no intentions of ever coming back. At least with no resolutions I will not feel guilty after not completing them and that is the only good thing I could hope for in 2018.

The new year’s resolution business is too definite for me anyway. To change something about yourself, your habits, to achieve your goals, to do all of that in a year?? That’s not only impossible, but actually really cruel. Most of people can’t change all their lives and just how many books, films and song a have been written about people who achieved nothing and their dreams never came true, but still something makes you think that you can  do it. You have to be really motivated and brave to do that, because you probably won’t and you will be disappointed and you will feel like shit, maybe you’ll even feel slightly depressed. Don’t do that to yourself. Come to the quitter side, we may not have cookies, but life is, oh so much easier here.


There are people, I heard of them, but never actually met one, who can achieve their goals. Apparently they’re called adults. Their natural habitat is diner parties. If you ever get invited to their tastefully decorated house,  don’t forget to bring a bottle of wine, which will remind them of  the wine they drunk on their trip to Italy they took a couple of years ago, but still can’t stop talking about it.


So, If you’re a responsible adult and have your shit together, I applaud you. Go and live your life and enjoy every second of it. And to us, the 20 somethings who haven’t quite grown up, I say this: go and get drunk. Not the most sophisticated advice you can get, but let’s be honest, what else can we really do to help us survive the bullshit that is life?

This post is a mess. Like all my posts, another thing I won’t change in 2018 (yay!). In a  conclusion of this mess – Please give your mental health a break and skip the resolutions, go see a Star War instead, or read a book or something.

Happy New Year to all!

the bathtub

Everytime my depression gets bad and I feel like I just can’t take anymore I go to the bathtub and cry. I just strip down and sit in it, but it’s not like in the movies when there’s a girl sitting in the water staring into the distance while a single tear falls down on her beautiful face. No, this is different.

I cry, my nose is running. The tears mixed with saliva are flowing to my neck as I struggle to breathe. I’m cold. I don’t know why it’s happening and there’s only one though circulating through my mind over and over again:  i’m going to die, i’m going to die, i’m going to die.

Right when I feel, that  only another pain could stop this I reach for the shower head and raise my hand to strike myself with it, my husband comes in. This is not the first time he sees me like this. He touches me and starts talking slowly. As he’s talking he helps me clean myself. Then he takes me out the bathtub and walks me to bed.

I feel better now. I needed to relieve some tension. I’m telling you because you shouldn’t feel ashamed for crying. Of you feel like it cry. If you can’t take it anymore, go to the bathtub, but you should have someone who pulls you out of it. Don’t be ashamed about your deppression. Tell someone and I promise it will help you.

It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia – why it’s perfect

Hello everyone how are you doing? I’m fine, mostly. School is keeping me busy, but I’m hoping to get back into my writing routine soon.

Anyways,  this is the first post of my TV show recommendations series. I love watching tv. I watch Tv shows everyday. I hate silence, because I hate being left alone with my own thoughts ( I mean, who does, right? ), so I often fill the silence with The Simpsons reruns or some other show. I wanted to start this series with the best sitcom ever created and believe me, I don’t take that lightly. I thought long and hard about it and came to conclusion that Sunny is the best one. Ever.

My journey with Sunny is split into three parts. When I first discovered it I liked it. I watched a couple of episodes, but made the mistake of not watching them chronologically and just randomly picking through them, leading me to miss the great ones. Those I watched were good, the series just hadn’t impressed me enough to watch them all. Boy was I wrong.

Couple of months later I was bored and decided to give Sunny a second chance. That’s when I fell in love with it. Couple of days ago, I re- discovered the series again and confirmed, that Sunny is the best and funniest Tv show ever. That is of course only subjective opinion, but I will attempt to explain, why I love it so much and hopefully you’ll give it a try as well.

It’s always sunny in Philadelphia follows four (five If you count Frank) friends living and owning a bar in Philadelphia. The gang consists of Charlie, Mac, Dennis, Dee and Frankn(played by the brilliant Danny DeVito). They are horrible, horrible people. They are alcoholics, ignorant, offensive, rude, sociopathic (especially Dennis) and painfully, painfully dumb.

It’s important to say, that Sunny is completely different from shows like Family Guy (a show that  I hate). Family Guy has a lot of horrible characters, unlike Sunny however the show is offensive just for the sake of it. Characters in MacFarlane’s show are laughing at the horrible things, they know it’s bad, but they also thing things like rape are hilarious. They’re like the most obnoxious, offensive guy you know, who defends himself with a line “i’s just a joke” after saying something offensive and horrible.

The characters on Sunny however do horrible things, but they don’t know it’s horrible, they are so stupid and egoistic, that they think everything they do is great and right. Sunny has also ruined me for other Tv shows, because the character are so complex. You know them, but you also don’ really know what they’re going to do next or how they’re going to act. I’ve never seen characters so real and well- written. The dialogue is also perfect. That is what drives the show. It is so real and natural. This exchange between Mac and Dennis is one of the funniest of the show.

The gang often finds themselves in absurd situations. Usually the situation starts normally, but the gang always respond to it in an over the top fashion, and the situation escalates pretty quickly. For example: reading about an exposition in a local museum and ending up getting trapped inside someone’s house trying to steal an expensive vase. Playing a board game and ending up locked in the basement. Getting a bad review and ending up kidnaping the writer, his neighbour and his cat. And so on. Seriously every episode of Sunny is a gift.

That being said it is not a show for everyone. Before you start watching it you have to release yourself from the usual sitcom concept. This is not an emotional show. This is not a show about friendship. Don’t expect anything like Friends or Parks and rec. definitely not. If I had to compare it to some more “traditional” sitcom I would say Community, but that is still far too emotional compared to Sunny. If you do decide to watch it (and seriously, you should, it’s brilliant) try to keep an open mind. Maybe you won’t  like it so much at first, but after few episodes it will grow on you.

As your first episode I would recommend season 7 episode 7 CharDee MacDennis: A game of games. It is one of the greatest Sunny episodes ever created, you don’t really have to know anything what previously happened on the show. This episode also shows the character’s dynamic and chemistry together.

Some of my favourite episodes:

  • CharDee MacDennis: Electric Boogaloo – kind of a sequel to the episode I just mentioned
  • The Nightman Cometh – A classic. Charlie writes a musical. Really, there’s nothing more to add. It’s great.
  • The Gang Gets Trapped
  • Frank’s Pretty Woman
  • Sweet Dee Has A Heart Attack
  • Who Pooped The Bed
  • The Dennis System

So what makes Sunny so good. The characters, the writing, the absurd storylines, the amazing and talented cast are the main reasons, there is however something else. See , what Sunny does so well is satire. something that is missing from today’s culture. Tv is full of parody, but satire is missing. Sunny is pushing the boundaries, it is discussing topics other shows would not dare. It is making fun not of pop-culture but of society as a whole. That’s why it’s so different and that’s why I like it so much.

Please go watch Sunny, It’s great, I promise.


i kissed you again 

for I thought it made you smile

little did I know

you were laughing at my love.

the way I lived my life

I read the greatest works of czech literature in English

and watched Forman’s films ironically.

I met a lot of ordinary people

 and few special ones who held my hand 

when I was pissing on the street. 

I had no money and never learnt my rights 

too hungover for revolution, too alive for the poverty.

I watched the most horrible men ruin the world 

and their sons wrecked my sister.

I lived my life according to Ginsbergs’s words 

and never went to church

my last memory will be yoursmiling face

after you leave my half- lived life.