the darkness

and the light is nowhere to be found

the pain

and the end is far away

the tears

and no one offers me a handkerchief

the madness

and everyone is running away from me.


I sin like the first person to walk this earth

I drink cheap wine and long for company

the song stuck in my head reminds me of you

and the things you shouldn’t have said.

Never will I say how I searched for God.

You wouldn’t believe me

with a cigarette stained teeth and a bottle in my hand, I’m not the one to feel or think.

I wanted to find HIM

because faith would set me free

because my mom said I should

because all my friends did

because when I look at the stars at night, I have to look away

I will never be worthy of their praise.



If I run away don’t come looking for me for I am long gone.

You’re watching me write this poem, your face is broken

you now when my eyes get like this, almost dead staring at the pages of an old journal.

If I kiss you, don’t kiss back you wouldn’t like my numb lips.

If I smile, don’t believe it  but then again you prabably wouldn’t.

If I lie, not If but when

don’t cry

If you want to leave, I won’ t stop you, cause I already left.

hospital, purple hair and Kamikaze

Hello, friends or people who randomly stumbled onto this blog. How are you? I’m exhausted and hungry, running on cigarettes amd chocolate. The title perfectly sums up my weekend. On Saturday morning my husband was cutting grass then the lawnmover stopped working and he decided to check the blades and they suddenly went off. He cut the top part of his ring finger and he broke the small bone that’s in there. We rushed to the hospital and it took them forever to sew it forever and correct the bone. They should release him home at Wednesday. I miss him so much. I visit him everyday, but still it’s sad to be at jome alone. He’s in so much pain and he cannot sleep. It’s heart-breaking to see him like this.

So, naturally on Saturday night I had a mental breakdown. And I cut my hair. It is short now and purple. Yeah, I know. Honestly I’m not mad at it, it’s kinda cute. That’s what I do in times of distress people, I cut my hair.

To lighten my mood I finally listened to Eminem’s suprise album Kamikaze. I love it, it’s great. Fall is probably my favourite for the moment, but I’m sure that will change. Give it a listen, it’s great.

That would be all from me for now. I’m sorry for another shitty post, but life just sometimes happens. Have a great day everyone

the chair

I sit in a room you built

in a house I hate.

I’m looking out of a window

I want to climb out so badly, but my limbs are made of stone, my mind set roots here, it cannot fly.

The rocking chair is not comfortable anymore

it has become a safehouse for my depression.

It’s freezing, my fingers are turning blue

at least they match my mood as I cry in

the chair you bought to make me happy.