Picture this, you’re in middle school, your grades are amazing, the teachers love you and you have a promising academic future. That is untill you start high school, your grades begin to slip and you have hard time with every subject. Why?
This is my story, but I’ve encountered many people who share my experience. I want to know why at 12 my future shone bright like a diamond and at 23 I’m a two-time college dropout with depression.
I’ve thought about my academic downfall a lot, mostly in the middle of the night and there is really only one reason I can think of. Studying. Not in class, but at home. See the problem is that, in middle school I never had to study and I still had amazing grades. When I was in high school, the subjects got a lot harder and more demanding. I realized that in order to keep my grades perfect I had to study at home. Except I didn’t know how, after all, I have never done it before. I hated it, it sucked. So I decided not to do it. Not my best call, but I am afterall incredibly lazy by nature.
Except what if it wasn’t laziness? What if it was fear. For the first time in my life I wasn’t good at something. It scared me. I, the golden child, the pride of my family was failing. I was miserable. I knew I couldn’t keep up with my achievements, so I didn’t try anymore.
There have been many events in my life I tried to identify as the reason for my depression. I found many potentional reasons and this seems as good as any. Sometimes I dream about the future I was promised, the one I never got to have.