charlottesville

I as a European have always watched the political events in the United States. It is one of the biggest countries in the world and arguably the most influential one. I never comment on it though. Because I am not an American I don’t live there and never have so I feel it is not for me to comment on the political situation there. But I have to talk about this.

For those of you who don’t know on August 12 a “Unite the Right” rally was planned  to protest against  the removal of a statue of Confederate icon General Robert E Lee in Charlottesville, Virginia. Speeding car, driven by one of the protestors, rammed into counter-demonstrators injuring more than 30 of people and killing one of them.

The protestors were waiving Nazi flags, shouting “blood and soil” and “white lives matter”. Let’s call them by their name, they are Nazis. No alt right, no sugar-coating. They are Nazis. The are horrible, disgusting people. They make me sick.

One of the things makes me sad is that most of the American public doesn’t really know about the horrors of WWII. Of course they know about it from history lessons and so on, but they never get to see it and hear about it on a regular daily basis. I live in the Czech Republic. Our country was occupied by the Germans from 1938 to 1945.

I was born 51 years after the war ended and I know the stories. My great grandparents lived through it. They were farmers, living in a small village nowhere important and even they were terrified of the Germans. They feared that one day they will come for them and send them to a concentration camp. My teacher used to tell me stories about his childhood, how they would hide in a basement when the Nazis were patrolling  the streets. I read the books by Arnošt Lustig and other great czech writers about their suffering in concentration camps. I had the pleasure to hear his sister Hana talk about her experience in Terezín and Auschwitz. If you speak czech or know someone who does please watch this video and listen to her talk about her horrifying experiences.

I visited Auschwitz couple of years ago as a school trip. It was horrifying. I will never forget how I felt when I was there. Standing in places where unspeakable horrors have happened and so many innocent people suffered and died is terrifying. I saw the clothes, the suitcases, the toys, the shoes, the hair of the people who died in gas chambers. But I don’t have to go that far to be reminded of those who lost their lives to hatred. There are two monuments of the WWII victims in a walking distance from my house. And not just here, it will probably be impossible to find a village or a town without a similar monument.

I promised myself that when I have kids I will talk to them about it, that I will educate them so they would never let history repeat itself.

But it is happening right now. It makes me angry that there are people who believe that other people should die based on the color of their skin or their religion.  James Alex Fields Jr is a terrorist. White supremacists are terrorists. Yet Trump is blaming both sides. He is saying the alt- left (whatever that might be in his head) is as evil as the white supremacist. I can’t wrap my head around it. By alt – left he probably means communists and yes socialistic regimes are also evil, but the USA has never got even close to socialism. Never. But that is a topic for another article. Basically the president defends the Nazis. I have nothing but disrespect and disquist for that man.

I am affraid, because I know the history. I’ve met people who survived concentration camps and those who lived in fear and saw the terrors of the Nazi regime. I am affraid the history is gonna repeat. But I know that now, more than ever is time to speak up against it. Speak against the white supremacy. Don’t dismiss it. Read a history book. Watch The Pianist or The Schindler’s List. Do something. Stand up for what is right.

 

the bubble

Me and my husband have been married for three months and I can honestly say it has been the best period of our relationship so far. I am happy and everything is great. The only thing that worries me is that I know the bubble is gonna burst. I just don’t know when.

Yesterday me and my friend hang at a coffee-house and talked about her relationship. She and her boyfriend have been together for a year. Yesterday he told he that he loves her, but he doesn’t want to settle down. So right now they live together as friends with benefits. It is hard for her to leave him, even though I think that’s what she should do. She loves him so much she is willing to stay with him even though he doesn’t want to share his future with her. They were happy and then the bubble burst. Is it gonna happen to us as well?

Of course, they weren’t married like we are. That made me examine the married couples I know. My parents are divorced. I have two aunts who are trapped in loveless marriages. My grandparents are divorced. Most of my friends parents are divorced or separated. I know only one or two married couples that seem to be happy.

Is our bubble gonna burst? Why can’t we just stay in this moment, perfectly happy and comfortable. I don’t want to look at my husband and not seeing the love. What if I wake up one day realizing I don’t love him anymore. I can’t bear that thought. I will protect the bubble at all costs.

the summer of 2012

Over the course of my life I have met many people, none of them however changed my life and helped me find myself as the three I met in the summer of 2012.

I just turned 16 couple of months before the faithful summer. Me and my brother and sister had a group of friends whom we knew our whole lives. Em my brother’s girlfriend at the time, inherited a house after her mother died when she was little and this was the first summer her grandparents allowed us to use it. It was a big, beautiful but a little beat-up house.The furniture inside was relic of the 90’s with only three rooms fully furnished. The central heating didn’t work, the water was cold and we could only use electricity occasionally because it was expensive.

We loved the house anyway, spending most of our time there. We would throw parties and invite everyone who’d bring booze. As I said I only had a small group of friends, but that summer I met many new people. Among them was Dee. She and I became friends, she was like a breath of fresh air. I could talk to her about everything. She was free, talking about sex, smoking cigarettes and drinking on weekdays. I have lost my virginity the year before we met to a guy who never called me back afterwards, but I have never talked about sex before. With newly found confidence I started smoking, drinking and brought Dee into the house.

Continue reading “the summer of 2012”

turn

Turn around and watch the last spark of my sanity die under your knowing gaze

you’re free now, I’m gone

I joined my father at the madhouse

you never visit

teriffied of seeing my walking corpse

maybe you should have loved me more

i’m letting go, clear your conciense

i’ll be gone

 

© 2017 Carolyn Grimm

 

desire

I want to get drunk

to hear your voice through the merciful siftter of alcohol induced thoughts.

I need to feel your hands on my lonely body

don’t call me darling

i am someone else tonight.

In the morning I’ll hide my face in shame,

look away

wait until i’m me again

 

 

 

© 2017 Carolyn Grimm

waiting for God

Ever since I was old enough to understand the concept of faith I waited for some kind of religious epiphany to come. I heard about God in movies and read about him in books, but never knew why we don’t talk about him at home. So I asked my mom, why we don’t pray, who is God and was Jesus really his son. She said that in our family we don’t believe God exist. That was shocking for me. When someone talked about God on the television they knew he did exist. I was confused.

I felt like something was missing. What If God existed and I was missing out on spiritual enlightenment? As I grew older I read the Bible and I started to part with the image of God being a man in the sky. I did wanted to find God, but I couldn’t believe the Bible. I don’t mean to disrespect anyone who does. Faith is a gift I don’t have. I don’t think you need an organized religion to connect with your spirituality. The Bible was written by men and so were the rules.

The truth is I don’t know what I will feel when I finally find him or if I ever will. And who knows maybe one day I will be satisfied with my life enough to stop searching for him.

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