Not every life is worth living, but nobody wants to die
crack my skull open and see what I think.
Violate my trust one more time,
you know the drill and when I wake up with no memories you’ll smile again.
Charm my senses
the last thought of my mind will be your face as you push me down the stairs, smiling, for you have done the job.
don’t forget to brush your hair
work for 12 hours straight
take a break If you have to, but they won’t pay.
you must be hungry
I bought the chicken you don’t like.
Smoke and drink,
If it makes you fell good
but do your chores first.
If you must
but not about me.
If you can
but not until I do.
There’s a hole in my bedroom wall
the one you made and I never got fixed.
It’s the shape of your fist and the texture of my skin.
In the light of the day
my heart stopped beating.
Came this close to realizing the only constant in my life has been you.
In the dark of the day
my heart’s already dead
never felt the need to ask
for forgivness or love.
I’d like to thank the men
who held me for a moment
and those who let me go.
To the boys who kissed me and never once looked at my sister.
thank them for teaching me a lesson,
for loving me mildly.
I’d like to thank you, for pyting me for it truly makes me feel alive.
Thank you cousin for the unhelpful advice you have given me over the years.
To you, my dearest sister
for telling me stories of your crazy life, those are the only times I’ve actually come close to living.
To you mother, for the cigarettes and low-self esteem.
To you my love for laughing in my face and leaving me in the darkness.
and the light is nowhere to be found
and the end is far away
and no one offers me a handkerchief
and everyone is running away from me.
I sin like the first person to walk this earth
I drink cheap wine and long for company
the song stuck in my head reminds me of you
and the things you shouldn’t have said.
Never will I say how I searched for God.
You wouldn’t believe me
with a cigarette stained teeth and a bottle in my hand, I’m not the one to feel or think.
I wanted to find HIM
because faith would set me free
because my mom said I should
because all my friends did
because when I look at the stars at night, I have to look away
I will never be worthy of their praise.