Not every life is worth living, but nobody wants to die

crack my skull open and see what I think.

Violate my trust one more time,

you know the drill and when I wake up with no memories you’ll smile again.

Charm my senses

the last thought of my mind will be your face as you push me down the stairs, smiling, for you have done the job.

 

 

 

wake up

Wake up,

don’t forget to brush your hair

work  for 12 hours straight

take a break If you have to, but they won’t pay.

 

Come home,

you must be hungry

I bought the chicken you don’t like.

 

Smoke and drink,

If it makes you fell good

but do your chores first.

 

Write,

If you must

but not about me.

 

Fall asleep,

If you can

but not until I do.

 

 

the light

In the light of the day

my heart stopped beating.

Came this close to realizing the only constant in my life has been you.

 

In the dark of the day

my heart’s already dead

never felt the need to ask

for forgivness or love.

a toast

I’d like to thank the men

who held me for a moment

and those who let me go.

 

To the boys who kissed me and never once looked at my sister.

thank them for teaching me a lesson,

for loving me mildly.

 

I’d like to thank you, for pyting me for it truly makes me feel alive.

Thank you cousin for the unhelpful advice you have given me over the years.

To you, my dearest sister

for telling me stories of your crazy life, those are the only times I’ve actually come close to living.

To you mother, for the cigarettes and low-self esteem.

To you my love for laughing in my face and leaving me in the darkness.

 

 

the darkness

and the light is nowhere to be found

the pain

and the end is far away

the tears

and no one offers me a handkerchief

the madness

and everyone is running away from me.

sin

I sin like the first person to walk this earth

I drink cheap wine and long for company

the song stuck in my head reminds me of you

and the things you shouldn’t have said.

Never will I say how I searched for God.

You wouldn’t believe me

with a cigarette stained teeth and a bottle in my hand, I’m not the one to feel or think.

I wanted to find HIM

because faith would set me free

because my mom said I should

because all my friends did

because when I look at the stars at night, I have to look away

I will never be worthy of their praise.