the bathtub

Everytime my depression gets bad and I feel like I just can’t take anymore I go to the bathtub and cry. I just strip down and sit in it, but it’s not like in the movies when there’s a girl sitting in the water staring into the distance while a single tear falls down on her beautiful face. No, this is different.

I cry, my nose is running. The tears mixed with saliva are flowing to my neck as I struggle to breathe. I’m cold. I don’t know why it’s happening and there’s only one though circulating through my mind over and over again:  i’m going to die, i’m going to die, i’m going to die.

Right when I feel, that  only another pain could stop this I reach for the shower head and raise my hand to strike myself with it, my husband comes in. This is not the first time he sees me like this. He touches me and starts talking slowly. As he’s talking he helps me clean myself. Then he takes me out the bathtub and walks me to bed.

I feel better now. I needed to relieve some tension. I’m telling you because you shouldn’t feel ashamed for crying. Of you feel like it cry. If you can’t take it anymore, go to the bathtub, but you should have someone who pulls you out of it. Don’t be ashamed about your deppression. Tell someone and I promise it will help you.

It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia – why it’s perfect

Hello everyone how are you doing? I’m fine, mostly. School is keeping me busy, but I’m hoping to get back into my writing routine soon.

Anyways,  this is the first post of my TV show recommendations series. I love watching tv. I watch Tv shows everyday. I hate silence, because I hate being left alone with my own thoughts ( I mean, who does, right? ), so I often fill the silence with The Simpsons reruns or some other show. I wanted to start this series with the best sitcom ever created and believe me, I don’t take that lightly. I thought long and hard about it and came to conclusion that Sunny is the best one. Ever.

My journey with Sunny is split into three parts. When I first discovered it I liked it. I watched a couple of episodes, but made the mistake of not watching them chronologically and just randomly picking through them, leading me to miss the great ones. Those I watched were good, the series just hadn’t impressed me enough to watch them all. Boy was I wrong.

Couple of months later I was bored and decided to give Sunny a second chance. That’s when I fell in love with it. Couple of days ago, I re- discovered the series again and confirmed, that Sunny is the best and funniest Tv show ever. That is of course only subjective opinion, but I will attempt to explain, why I love it so much and hopefully you’ll give it a try as well.

It’s always sunny in Philadelphia follows four (five If you count Frank) friends living and owning a bar in Philadelphia. The gang consists of Charlie, Mac, Dennis, Dee and Frankn(played by the brilliant Danny DeVito). They are horrible, horrible people. They are alcoholics, ignorant, offensive, rude, sociopathic (especially Dennis) and painfully, painfully dumb.

It’s important to say, that Sunny is completely different from shows like Family Guy (a show that  I hate). Family Guy has a lot of horrible characters, unlike Sunny however the show is offensive just for the sake of it. Characters in MacFarlane’s show are laughing at the horrible things, they know it’s bad, but they also thing things like rape are hilarious. They’re like the most obnoxious, offensive guy you know, who defends himself with a line “i’s just a joke” after saying something offensive and horrible.

The characters on Sunny however do horrible things, but they don’t know it’s horrible, they are so stupid and egoistic, that they think everything they do is great and right. Sunny has also ruined me for other Tv shows, because the character are so complex. You know them, but you also don’ really know what they’re going to do next or how they’re going to act. I’ve never seen characters so real and well- written. The dialogue is also perfect. That is what drives the show. It is so real and natural. This exchange between Mac and Dennis is one of the funniest of the show.

The gang often finds themselves in absurd situations. Usually the situation starts normally, but the gang always respond to it in an over the top fashion, and the situation escalates pretty quickly. For example: reading about an exposition in a local museum and ending up getting trapped inside someone’s house trying to steal an expensive vase. Playing a board game and ending up locked in the basement. Getting a bad review and ending up kidnaping the writer, his neighbour and his cat. And so on. Seriously every episode of Sunny is a gift.

That being said it is not a show for everyone. Before you start watching it you have to release yourself from the usual sitcom concept. This is not an emotional show. This is not a show about friendship. Don’t expect anything like Friends or Parks and rec. definitely not. If I had to compare it to some more “traditional” sitcom I would say Community, but that is still far too emotional compared to Sunny. If you do decide to watch it (and seriously, you should, it’s brilliant) try to keep an open mind. Maybe you won’t  like it so much at first, but after few episodes it will grow on you.

As your first episode I would recommend season 7 episode 7 CharDee MacDennis: A game of games. It is one of the greatest Sunny episodes ever created, you don’t really have to know anything what previously happened on the show. This episode also shows the character’s dynamic and chemistry together.

Some of my favourite episodes:

  • CharDee MacDennis: Electric Boogaloo – kind of a sequel to the episode I just mentioned
  • The Nightman Cometh – A classic. Charlie writes a musical. Really, there’s nothing more to add. It’s great.
  • The Gang Gets Trapped
  • Frank’s Pretty Woman
  • Sweet Dee Has A Heart Attack
  • Who Pooped The Bed
  • The Dennis System

So what makes Sunny so good. The characters, the writing, the absurd storylines, the amazing and talented cast are the main reasons, there is however something else. See , what Sunny does so well is satire. something that is missing from today’s culture. Tv is full of parody, but satire is missing. Sunny is pushing the boundaries, it is discussing topics other shows would not dare. It is making fun not of pop-culture but of society as a whole. That’s why it’s so different and that’s why I like it so much.

Please go watch Sunny, It’s great, I promise.


i kissed you again 

for I thought it made you smile

little did I know

you were laughing at my love.

the way I lived my life

I read the greatest works of czech literature in English

and watched Forman’s films ironically.

I met a lot of ordinary people

and few special ones who held my hand

when I was pissing on the street.

I had no money and never learnt my rights

too hungover for revolution, too alive for the poverty.

I watched the most horrible men ruin the world

and their sons wrecked my sister.

I lived my life according to Ginsbergs’s words

and never went to church

my last memory will be your smiling face

after you left my half- lived life.


School. It’s getting to me. I have no free time and I’m depressed (hey what’s new). So this is my very bad apology for the inactivity. I’ll probably start blogging on a regular schedule soon as soon as I figure out how to manage my time better. I hope your September is going better than mine is. I have to study for an anatomy exam. Take care xxx


The descending shadow of your trust

exposed my eyes to the reality

I was afraid to see.

I saw the light die

the moment I asked

your soul shifted under my hand

and the love was gone.


I long for home

a place with you.

Before the harsh truth

of your disgust

killed my spirit.




I as a European have always watched the political events in the United States. It is one of the biggest countries in the world and arguably the most influential one. I never comment on it though. Because I am not an American I don’t live there and never have so I feel it is not for me to comment on the political situation there. But I have to talk about this.

For those of you who don’t know on August 12 a “Unite the Right” rally was planned  to protest against  the removal of a statue of Confederate icon General Robert E Lee in Charlottesville, Virginia. Speeding car, driven by one of the protestors, rammed into counter-demonstrators injuring more than 30 of people and killing one of them.

The protestors were waiving Nazi flags, shouting “blood and soil” and “white lives matter”. Let’s call them by their name, they are Nazis. No alt right, no sugar-coating. They are Nazis. The are horrible, disgusting people. They make me sick.

One of the things makes me sad is that most of the American public doesn’t really know about the horrors of WWII. Of course they know about it from history lessons and so on, but they never get to see it and hear about it on a regular daily basis. I live in the Czech Republic. Our country was occupied by the Germans from 1938 to 1945.

I was born 51 years after the war ended and I know the stories. My great grandparents lived through it. They were farmers, living in a small village nowhere important and even they were terrified of the Germans. They feared that one day they will come for them and send them to a concentration camp. My teacher used to tell me stories about his childhood, how they would hide in a basement when the Nazis were patrolling  the streets. I read the books by Arnošt Lustig and other great czech writers about their suffering in concentration camps. I had the pleasure to hear his sister Hana talk about her experience in Terezín and Auschwitz. If you speak czech or know someone who does please watch this video and listen to her talk about her horrifying experiences.

I visited Auschwitz couple of years ago as a school trip. It was horrifying. I will never forget how I felt when I was there. Standing in places where unspeakable horrors have happened and so many innocent people suffered and died is terrifying. I saw the clothes, the suitcases, the toys, the shoes, the hair of the people who died in gas chambers. But I don’t have to go that far to be reminded of those who lost their lives to hatred. There are two monuments of the WWII victims in a walking distance from my house. And not just here, it will probably be impossible to find a village or a town without a similar monument.

I promised myself that when I have kids I will talk to them about it, that I will educate them so they would never let history repeat itself.

But it is happening right now. It makes me angry that there are people who believe that other people should die based on the color of their skin or their religion.  James Alex Fields Jr is a terrorist. White supremacists are terrorists. Yet Trump is blaming both sides. He is saying the alt- left (whatever that might be in his head) is as evil as the white supremacist. I can’t wrap my head around it. By alt – left he probably means communists and yes socialistic regimes are also evil, but the USA has never got even close to socialism. Never. But that is a topic for another article. Basically the president defends the Nazis. I have nothing but disrespect and disquist for that man.

I am affraid, because I know the history. I’ve met people who survived concentration camps and those who lived in fear and saw the terrors of the Nazi regime. I am affraid the history is gonna repeat. But I know that now, more than ever is time to speak up against it. Speak against the white supremacy. Don’t dismiss it. Read a history book. Watch The Pianist or The Schindler’s List. Do something. Stand up for what is right.