There’s something dangerous about the way you laugh at your own misery.
I’ll bring you flowers I swear
I will bring you roses when….
The sensible ways of your thinking,
the delicate manners of your faceless empathy all perished into the sky like a dust off of an empty road no one walked on for a long time.
I’ll light you a candle I swear
put it somewhere safe from the wind, when…..
my mamma told me to come back,
to leave the city,
but you asked so sweetly with the twins under my heart I said yes.
You said If I give you a girl to name her after you.
You said I shouldn’t leave.
So I stayed and raised them,
blond angels, patrons of a broken home.
You left one night and came back in cuffs,
we were on our fourth child.
The uniform caused so much trouble and the kids can’t sleep.
I left the city,
and looked into my mamma’s eyes,
her daddy long gone and so was mine
Not every life is worth living, but nobody wants to die
crack my skull open and see what I think.
Violate my trust one more time,
you know the drill and when I wake up with no memories you’ll smile again.
Charm my senses
the last thought of my mind will be your face as you push me down the stairs, smiling, for you have done the job.
don’t forget to brush your hair
work for 12 hours straight
take a break If you have to, but they won’t pay.
you must be hungry
I bought the chicken you don’t like.
Smoke and drink,
If it makes you fell good
but do your chores first.
If you must
but not about me.
If you can
but not until I do.
There’s a hole in my bedroom wall
the one you made and I never got fixed.
It’s the shape of your fist and the texture of my skin.
In the light of the day
my heart stopped beating.
Came this close to realizing the only constant in my life has been you.
In the dark of the day
my heart’s already dead
never felt the need to ask
for forgivness or love.
I’d like to thank the men
who held me for a moment
and those who let me go.
To the boys who kissed me and never once looked at my sister.
thank them for teaching me a lesson,
for loving me mildly.
I’d like to thank you, for pyting me for it truly makes me feel alive.
Thank you cousin for the unhelpful advice you have given me over the years.
To you, my dearest sister
for telling me stories of your crazy life, those are the only times I’ve actually come close to living.
To you mother, for the cigarettes and low-self esteem.
To you my love for laughing in my face and leaving me in the darkness.