i kissed you again 

for I thought it made you smile

little did I know

you were laughing at my love.

the way I lived my life

I read the greatest works of czech literature in English

and watched Forman’s films ironically.

I met a lot of ordinary people

 and few special ones who held my hand 

when I was pissing on the street. 

I had no money and never learnt my rights 

too hungover for revolution, too alive for the poverty.

I watched the most horrible men ruin the world 

and their sons wrecked my sister.

I lived my life according to Ginsbergs’s words 

and never went to church

my last memory will be yoursmiling face

after you leave my half- lived life. 


The descending shadow of your trust

exposed my eyes to the reality

I was afraid to see.

I saw the light die

the moment I asked

your soul shifted under my hand

and the love was gone.


I long for home

a place with you.

Before the harsh truth

of your disgust

killed my spirit.



last pill

What if I swallow the last pill

and my soul dies trapped inside a body you didn’t like.

Look at my rotting corpse, see what your love has done to me.


If I were a painter

I’d paint your face after we kissed

your flushed cheeks,

honest eyes,

eyelashes so long they could touch the sky,

innocent mouth ruined by my cynical kiss.

I wish to paint the naivity of your love

to capture the expression of your face before you realize I’m gone.



© 2017 Carolyn Grimm


Turn around and watch the last spark of my sanity die under your knowing gaze

you’re free now, I’m gone

I joined my father at the madhouse

you never visit

teriffied of seeing my walking corpse

maybe you should have loved me more

i’m letting go, clear your conciense

i’ll be gone


© 2017 Carolyn Grimm