there’s something dangerous about the way you laugh at your own misery
I will bring you flowers I swear
I will bring you roses when…
the sensible ways of your thinking, the delicate manners of your faceless empathy all perished into the sky like a dust off of an empty road
I will light you a candle I swear
put it somewhere safe from the wind, when….
It’s been weeks since I saw your innocent eyes and they’re not the same anymore
I laugh and walk away, your gaze reminding me of my own demons
I will remember your smile I swear
I will shed a tear, when….
No more laughs and no more tears,
the light is weak just like you.
Manon what have you done to me
can’t you see
I’ve got no more love to give.
Couldn’t you be smart?
the song you sung ended suddenly
you’re but a distant memory
in an old woman’s heart.
i kissed you again
for I thought it made you smile
little did I know
you were laughing at my love.
I read the greatest works of czech literature in English
and watched Forman’s films ironically.
I met a lot of ordinary people
and few special ones who held my hand
when I was pissing on the street.
I had no money and never learnt my rights
too hungover for revolution, too alive for the poverty.
I watched the most horrible men ruin the world
and their sons wrecked my sister.
I lived my life according to Ginsbergs’s words
and never went to church
my last memory will be your smiling face
after you left my half- lived life.
The descending shadow of your trust
exposed my eyes to the reality
I was afraid to see.
I saw the light die
the moment I asked
your soul shifted under my hand
and the love was gone.
I long for home
a place with you.
Before the harsh truth
of your disgust
killed my spirit.
What if I swallow the last pill
and my soul dies trapped inside a body you didn’t like.
Look at my rotting corpse, see what your love has done to me.
If I were a painter
I’d paint your face after we kissed
your flushed cheeks,
eyelashes so long they could touch the sky,
innocent mouth ruined by my cynical kiss.
I wish to paint the naivity of your love
to capture the expression of your face before you realize I’m gone.
© 2017 Carolyn Grimm