last pill

What if I swallow the last pill

and my soul dies trapped inside a body you didn’t like.

Look at my rotting corpse, see what your love has done to me.

painter

If I were a painter

I’d paint your face after we kissed

your flushed cheeks,

honest eyes,

eyelashes so long they could touch the sky,

innocent mouth ruined by my cynical kiss.

I wish to paint the naivity of your love

to capture the expression of your face before you realize I’m gone.

 

 

© 2017 Carolyn Grimm

turn

Turn around and watch the last spark of my sanity die under your knowing gaze

you’re free now, I’m gone

I joined my father at the madhouse

you never visit

teriffied of seeing my walking corpse

maybe you should have loved me more

i’m letting go, clear your conciense

i’ll be gone

 

© 2017 Carolyn Grimm

 

desire

I want to get drunk

to hear your voice through the merciful siftter of alcohol induced thoughts.

I need to feel your hands on my lonely body

don’t call me darling

i am someone else tonight.

In the morning I’ll hide my face in shame,

look away

wait until i’m me again

 

 

 

© 2017 Carolyn Grimm

forgive me

Forgive me people,

for  not changing anything, cynically wasting my potential and your money

for drinking on working days, lying to police men about my friends getting high in a bathroom of a fancy hotel

for faking my way through life with ease while you crawl in the mud of your disappointing existence.

Forgive me friends,

for never keeping secrets, revealing your shame and fears to psychiatrists, mocking your pain in front of the masses

for the cigarette smoke I blew in your face when you were crying about your parents divorce.

for the anger I felt when you left, the profanities I shouted at you in a bus taking you home.

Forgive me parents,

for running away from the life you created for me

for blaming my failures at you, crying everyday, ruining your mornings

for banging my head against the wall at midnight,hurting myself, getting blood all over the sheets you bought.

Forgive me my love,

for loving you quietly and not kissing you enough

for making you touch my scars, corrupting your innocence with my sins

for not being perfect,

for living so fast.

 

 

© 2017 Carolyn Grimm

 

don’t

Don’t make me smile
i am a suffering writer

Don’t make me smile
my depression won’t be real if i do

Don’t kiss me
i am dramatically staring out of the window

Don’t kiss me
i am listening to Leonard Cohen

Don’t try to make me happy
i have to write

Don’t try to make me happy
because I don’t want to be

 

 

© 2017 Carolyn Grimm