i swear

there’s something dangerous about the way you laugh at your own misery

I will bring you flowers I swear

I will bring you roses when…

the sensible ways of your thinking, the delicate manners of your faceless empathy all perished into the sky like a dust off of an empty road

I will light you a candle I swear

put it somewhere safe from the wind, when….

It’s been weeks since I saw your innocent eyes and they’re not the same anymore

I laugh and walk away, your gaze reminding me of my own demons

I will remember your smile I swear

I will shed a tear, when….


No more laughs and no more tears,

the light is weak just like you.

Manon what have you done to me

can’t you see

I’ve got no more love to give.

Couldn’t you be smart?

the song you sung ended suddenly

you’re but a distant memory

in an old woman’s heart.




i kissed you again 

for I thought it made you smile

little did I know

you were laughing at my love.

the way I lived my life

I read the greatest works of czech literature in English

and watched Forman’s films ironically.

I met a lot of ordinary people

and few special ones who held my hand

when I was pissing on the street.

I had no money and never learnt my rights

too hungover for revolution, too alive for the poverty.

I watched the most horrible men ruin the world

and their sons wrecked my sister.

I lived my life according to Ginsbergs’s words

and never went to church

my last memory will be your smiling face

after you left my half- lived life.


The descending shadow of your trust

exposed my eyes to the reality

I was afraid to see.

I saw the light die

the moment I asked

your soul shifted under my hand

and the love was gone.


I long for home

a place with you.

Before the harsh truth

of your disgust

killed my spirit.



last pill

What if I swallow the last pill

and my soul dies trapped inside a body you didn’t like.

Look at my rotting corpse, see what your love has done to me.


If I were a painter

I’d paint your face after we kissed

your flushed cheeks,

honest eyes,

eyelashes so long they could touch the sky,

innocent mouth ruined by my cynical kiss.

I wish to paint the naivity of your love

to capture the expression of your face before you realize I’m gone.



© 2017 Carolyn Grimm