August

August smells like the sun and tastes like regret

August talks loudly, but has nothing new to say

August punches me in the gut and covers my bruise with a sunflower

6:30

It’s half past six

the sun is already up,

the birds are singing.

It’s half past six

you sit up next to me and say “hello mommy”

who knew life could be this great.

MOTHER

When I was pregnant my mom told me about the day she brought me and my twin brother home from the hospital. She put us in the crib and she started crying. She was a first time mom and she didn’t know what to do with us. She was scared, but then my grandma came and helped her with everything.

The same thing happened to me. It was a week after my daughter was born, the first day my husband went back to work. I remember that she was crying all night and in the morning I couldn’t calm her down again. She was crying for two hours and it felt horrible. I called my mom, hysterically crying, telling her that I don’t know what to do. Thirty minutes after I hung up the phone my mom and grandma were knocking on my front door. My grandma took the baby and calmed her down in minutes. My mom cooked me breakfast and cleaned the house. She wiped my tears and stroked my hair and I realized that she was doing the same thing as me, she was taking care of her baby.

On that morning I realized that I will be okay, I will figure this out, just as my mother before me and her mother before that and all the mothers since the beginning of time. I also realized that If I do need help, there are lots of mothers around me I could ask.

So, to all mothers past, present and future I wish you Happy Mother’s day. You rock!

Fear

I’ve never felt fear like this,

not when I was trapped and the earth was spinning around me.

Not when I thought her heart stopped beating in my womb.

Not when my lungs were filling up with water.

What i fear now is greater

because it hasn’t happened yet,

because maybe it never will

because what i fear most is the fear i could one day feel.

mad

The corners of my mind are empty,

there’s nothing to fear anymore.

Is this how a mad man feels?

Weightless and free.

I thought I was wrong, spiraling in the night,

but maybe it was you who was lost, blinded

by sunlight.